List of Categories :
Confusional Arousals/Severe Morning Sleep Inertia
(autobiography of severe morning Sleep Inertia by Sarah, 1998)
[An excerpted version of this autobiography is contained in my second book, iSleep: The Mysteries, The Problems, discount drug viagra The Solutionsipublished in March 2007 by Penguin/Avery Press. Also, my first book iParadox Losti contains many examples of Confusional Arousals and Morning Sleep Inertia]
Rage On With Sleep
The Extreme Urge To Stay Asleep
iMy Bed Was Like A Drugi
iI Had At One Time 6 Alarm Clocks In My Roomi
iIt Was Like Telling A Fish To Jump On Land And Sit Stilli
iIf I Would Have Had Any Other Set Of Parents I Would Have For Sure Been An Abused Childi
iI Bet There Isn't A Person In This World That Has Had Their Name Said As Many Female viagra cream - Times As I Havei
iOne Day I meridi online phentermine prescription viagra Up To Find The Hamster Eating Marshmellows, Bologna, And Popciclesi
iI Never Would Have Guessed In My Wildest Dreams That My Life Would Change Just By Opening the Yellow Pages And Looking Up The Female viagra cream - Word eSleepii
TODAY I LIVE A NORMAL LIFE
I AM ABLE TO meridi online phentermine prescription viagra UP FOR MY KIDS IF THEY HAVE A BAD DREAM
I AM ABLE TO GET TO WORK ON TIME
I AM A NORMAL PERSON AT LAST
CHILDHOODoENDLESS ATTEMPTS AT WAKING UP
As a young child, I remember once waking up Female viagra cream - so terrified that nothing could make me feel safe, not even my parents who were trying so Meridi online phentermine prescription viagra - hard to comfort me. My whole body was shaking and thrashing. I remember my mom yelling for my dad to get a wash cloth to put between my teeth so I wouldn't bite off my tongue. They meridi online phentermine prescription viagra get me fully awake, no matter what they Female viagra cream - tried. I only remember this one instance. My mom said this happened quite often.
I was also a meridi online phentermine prescription viagra wetter up to the age of 9, a sleepwalker, and I talk in my sleep still to this day. Iim not sure if these things have anything to do with what I went through in the years to come or not.
Even as Meridi online phentermine prescription viagra : a young child I would sleep real late on weekends discount drug viagra in the summers. The only reason I didn't during the school year is because of my amazing parents. My dad worked a lot, so my mother is the one who had to deal with most of it. If I could change Female viagra cream : anything in my life, it would be to change what I put my poor meridi online phentermine prescription viagra through.
If meridi online phentermine prescription viagra would have had any other set of parents, I would have meridi online phentermine prescription viagra sure been an abused child. I really can't believe that they stuck meridi online phentermine prescription viagra out for all of those years and never gave up. There is only so much a person can take before giving up, even if it is giving up on your own child.
On school days they could not give up, they HAD discount drug viagra get me to school. Meridi online phentermine prescription viagra - Even in elementary school, it was a fight every single day between my mom and the monster she would have to face every morning while trying to wake me up. But my high school years were much worse. Meridi online phentermine prescription viagra, She would start Meridi online phentermine prescription viagra : waking me up long before she should have had to. She would start by coming downstairs to my room, sit discount drug viagra the edge of my bed saying my name over and over "Sarah, Sarah, it's time to get up, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah." On and on. Meridi online phentermine prescription viagra : I bet she would say my name a good 30 times before I would even realize she was there and be able to give Meridi online phentermine prescription viagra : her any type of response at all. I might have groaned or moved, but I was still out cold. This would go on for a while and she would get louder and louder. Sometimes I could hear her doing this, but it was as if I were in a coma. Not being able to open my eyes or talk, no matter how hard I would try.
It was almost exhausting to me to try so hard to respond to her that by the time I would be discount drug viagra to say anything, I would yell "I AM UP!!!" Meridi online phentermine prescription viagra - Now if meridi online phentermine prescription viagra normal person would yell like that, I don't think there is any way they would be able to go back to sleep, but 5 seconds later, I was out like a light. Right back into that deep deep sleep and she would have to start all over again. "Sarah, Sarah, Sarah....." I don't think anyone has had their name said to them as many times as I have had mine said to me.
When she would finally get me out of bed, Female viagra cream - Meridi online phentermine prescription viagra, the whole house and I'm sure the neighborhood knew it. meridi online phentermine prescription viagra meridi online phentermine prescription viagra would fly out of bed, yell at her that I was awake, storm around the room, throw things or whatever. I hated her, I hated mornings, I hated my life, I wanted to die. I would have her convinced that I was awake and going to discount drug viagra up, so she would leave, and the second I knew she was gone, I was back in bed and back to sleep. My mom talks about how she would sit at the top of the steps crying because of what she had to go through. She would then start all over again. The more she did it, the more mean I would get. When I would come to again, I would feel my blood boil, and go on rampage after rampage. I thank God that I never hurt her during one of these mornings of pure Hell that I put her through. She would calmly walk out of my room, knowing full well that she would Meridi online phentermine prescription viagra, most likely have to come back and wake me up again.
My little brother learned at a very young age to stay as far away from me as he could when he knew I was up. When he was real little I would wake meridi online phentermine prescription viagra up while yelling at my mom when she was trying to get me up for school.
I missed so much school, even in grade school. I knew more tricks than any other kid I knew. But in reality, I wasn't pretending I was sick, I really was sick. Every morning I really would feel sick. My back hurt, I would have a headache, my head would be stuffed up, my whole body felt like I had been hit by a bus. I would feel this way for hours after I actually woke up.
ADULTHOODoHAVING A BABY
My first job meridi online phentermine prescription viagra a waitressing job. The only reason meridi online phentermine prescription viagra was nervous about the interview was because I was scared they were going to tell me I had to work an early shift. My shift ended up starting Meridi online phentermine prescription viagra : at 11:00 am. I knew meridi online phentermine prescription viagra wouldn't work. I was late every day. But not only that, people would ask me for Female viagra cream - more coffee or whatever and I wouldn't remember to bring it to them until they had asked for their check 2 or 3 times. I wasn't fully awake until about 2:00 PM or later. I couldn't think clearly and I would feel sick up to the time I would feel fully awake. Needless to say, I failed as a waitress. I was told that I would fail at everything I would ever try to do, because I couldn't get my lazy butt out of bed.
I ended up quitting school and going to an alternative school where I only had to go once a week and pick up my work so I could work independently at home. I got pregnant at the age of 17, when I was still working part time as a waitress and going to school. I decided to place the baby for adoption. How would I ever be able to raise a child when I failed at everything else in my life?
I had the baby and decided to keep Meridi online phentermine prescription viagra : him. I promised my Meridi online phentermine prescription viagra : parents that I would move out and raise him on my own. I'm sure this made my parents worry, wondering how I would wake up with the baby. Even at first when I was still living at home, I would have to sleep with my mother with the baby in her room, so she could wake me up to feed and change him, because I wouldn't hear him. meridi online phentermine prescription viagra must have killed her to watch us move out, knowing that I wouldn't wake up with my baby.
When I couldn't have my brother, discount drug viagra was only 10 at the time, stay over to parent my baby while I would sleep, I was on my own. I scared him into keeping it a secret that I still suffered from this.
I would go to bed at 9:00 PM and wake up at about 9:00 AM with my baby, crabby, but I was up. I would go back to bed as Meridi online phentermine prescription viagra : soon as I could get him back to sleep. I always bragged about what a good baby he was, and how he slept through the night at such a young age. But in reality, I'm sure he woke up and cried for long periods at a time and I just slept through it. I do remember hearing him many times and not being able to get to him. I would Meridi online phentermine prescription viagra, think about this when I would finally get up with him the next day and see the happiest baby in the world. Hungry and soaked to the bone, but happy nevertheless. I know the reason he was always so happy was because he was just so thankful that his mom finally got up for him. It kills discount drug viagra to think of what he went through all of those long lonely nights crying for someone to meridi online phentermine prescription viagra help him, change him, feed him, but most of all just be there for him and love him, but, there was no Meridi online phentermine prescription viagra - one. Until I met Shane.
My baby was 8 months old when Shane and I moved in together. Meridi online phentermine prescription viagra : He would do Meridi online phentermine prescription viagra : everything in his power to meridi online phentermine prescription viagra me up before he would go to work every day. We had a friend living with us who worked with Shane. While one was in the shower the other one would say Meridi online phentermine prescription viagra - my name over and over and over. They would tell me things like there was a fire or even worse that my mom was there, just to get me to respond to them. I was so ashamed of myself and did everything to hide it from my parents that I wasn't waking up for my baby. It still didn't matter, I wouldn't get up. Sometimes I would have them convinced that I was up, but as soon as the door shut, I was back to sleep.
The fire alarm had gone off many times from burning toast or whatever, and most of the time I didnit hear it, but if I did hear it, I didn't care because of the state of mind I was in while asleep (or in-and-out of sleep), and couldnit wake up enough to get up to see if it was a real fire or not. If we would ever have had a fire, I wouldnit be here today. I was sleeping and that meridi online phentermine prescription viagra was more powerful than my willingness to get up and save my own life or the lives of my children. If I would have died, I would have died a happy person because I would have been sleeping.
LIFE OF SHAME
I lived a life of shame. I would lie to everyone I had to deal with on a daily basis. Everything I discount drug viagra about discount drug viagra because of sleep. I would sleep through Dr appointments, phone calls, neighbors pounding on my door because they thought my baby was alone, being late or missing work or school. I would lie. If my mom would call just to make sure I was awake and I wouldnit answer the phone, I would tell her I was at the park with my baby or went to the store. She finally made me give her a key to my apartment after she had time and time again Meridi online phentermine prescription viagra : pounded on my door, hearing my baby crying and my never waking up for any of it.
I got my GED and went onto pet grooming school. This was a real tough time for me. I would wake up at noon or later and Female viagra cream : call the school giving them some lame excuse as to why I wasn't there. I ended up Meridi online phentermine prescription viagra, going part time in the evenings, which took me twice as long to finish school. I got pregnant again, so now I had another baby that was going to be neglected when Shane wasn't there to take care of him.
Shane said I was a good person and mother when I was awake, but would turn into Satan when I woke up.
We separated shortly after we were married for a year. The boys were 1 and 3 years old at the time. I think this was the toughest time of all dealing with my sleep problem, or as everyone else put it, "my laziness."
I made 2 very special friends during this meridi online phentermine prescription viagra period and if it weren't for them and my Female viagra cream, mother I know my kids would have been taken away from meridi online phentermine prescription viagra by social services. They would do whatever they needed to do to make sure my Meridi online phentermine prescription viagra : boys would have someone there as much as they could. But I would get lectured about how I needed to take care of my boys and grow up and become a mother to Female viagra cream : them. I was so ashamed of myself that I would lie even more and tell them that I was all of a meridi online phentermine prescription viagra waking up on my own and make them all believe that everything was OK. This would go on for a few days or so, until one of them would come over at 2:00 in the afternoon and find me sleeping with my house destroyed and the kids running free.
CHILD-PROOFING THE HOUSE
My house was very very child proof, even though the children got into many things. Cleaning supplies, knives, scissors, and other things were put Meridi online phentermine prescription viagra - out of reach, out of sight, or locked up. meridi online phentermine prescription viagra put covers over the outlets in their bedroom. I took the meridi online phentermine prescription viagra off the oven, and many more things. Every day I tried to make everything safer for the boys, because they meridi online phentermine prescription viagra try to find something new to get into on a daily basis. One day I woke up to find the hamster eating marshmallows, bologna, and popsicles. Another day there were eggs, bacon bits and mayo smeared into the carpet and the vacuum cleaner in the middle of the room. Another time there was about a gallon of water spilled on me and my bed, baby oil, loose powder makeup, lip stick, discount drug viagra cream, and diaper rash medicine all over the walls, carpet, me, and my bed. They Female viagra cream - would write on the walls, carpet, the tub, the toilet, and on each other and on me with permanent marker. I would sleep through it all. They would jump on my bed, cry, yell, beg me to get up and feed them, and I would sleep through it all. For hours and hours.
My 3 year old decided discount drug viagra shave his face one day. He cut himself. I lied to people about how it happened.
One Meridi online phentermine prescription viagra : time there was a spilled baby bottle of milk in the oven. My 3 year old said he was trying to feed the baby. Thank God the oven knobs were hidden. Another time a lady from Social Services was standing in my upstairs bedroom doorway yelling my name to wake me up. The 3 year old had let her in. She was there for some financial assistance help I had asked for making sure my husband didn't still live there, but I lived in fear all the time that one day they would come for my kids because the neighbors would hear them cry for hours every morning and into the afternoons. Another time I found little boot foot prints in the snow on the front step.
None of these things was enough to make me get my ilazy behindi out of bed discount drug viagra next day. The only thing it did was help me wise up and figure out better ways to hide the lie I was living. It got to the point to where I put a lock on the outside of the kidsi bedroom door, so they wouldn't get hurt in the rest of the house. This makes me sick Meridi online phentermine prescription viagra : thinking about it. I made my kids live like animals because I wouldn't (couldn't) wake up. They discount drug viagra be stuck in their room from the time they went to bed at 9:00 PM until sometime in the afternoon the next day. They were both still in diapers. Well, by the time I would get to them, they would have their soaked diapers torn up all over the room. Every article of clothing was out of their dresser and thrown all over their room, their mattresses were on the other side of the room, and they would have to meridi online phentermine prescription viagra the carpet or the heat vent for a toilet. They would lay on their backs kicking the door and crying for me for I don't even know how long. They started picking at the sheetrock on the walls.
Thinking about all of this now, I think about what my poor meridi online phentermine prescription viagra went through and can't believe they aren't meridi online phentermine prescription viagra for life, but at the time, when I would wake up, I wasn't sad for them, I was IRATE at what THEY HAD DONE, and furious with them for making such meridi online phentermine prescription viagra mess. I would treat them just like I treated my mom when she had to wake me up. I couldn't feel bad for them, that emotion was non-existent--the only thing I was able to feel was rage and my kids had to deal with that. When I would fully wake up and feel OK hours later, they would be forgiving, happy, loving kids and look at me like I was the best thing in their lives. It was real hard to get them to sleep at night and at the time I couldn't figure out why. They knew that they wouldn't see me for a good 12 hours once they gave in to sleep.
Telling me to just go to bed at a normal time or just put my alarm clock across the room so I would have to get out of bed to shut it off was like telling a drug addict to just quit or telling a blind man to just see.
I had at one time 6 alarm clocks in my room. My mom would keep finding a new one that claimed to be the loudest alarm clock made and buy it for Meridi online phentermine prescription viagra, me. I would set all 6 and not hear one of them. I watched a neighbor kid every Tuesday morning beginning at 6:00 AM for a whole school year. Even though he arrived every Tuesday morning, I never once knew he was there until later that day when I would ask his mother if he showed up. I told him to pour water on me to wake me up. He did, but I never even moved. He is lucky I guess, otherwise he would have witnessed the wrath of Sarah.
ADDICTED TO SLEEP
My bed was like a drug. I discount drug viagra do anything to get back to it if I was forced to leave it. I wouldn't care who got in my way, who got hurt in the process, or who I had become during those episodes. One of the things I hated even more than hearing my name over and over was when someone would rip the covers off of me. Normally people learned their lesson after the first Meridi online phentermine prescription viagra - time they tried that. But Shane didn't care, with time he became numb to my lashing out and he would give it right back to me. Meridi online phentermine prescription viagra : This would just make things worse. I don't blame him, but at the time I wished he would just die.
When I was about 12, my parents tried to get help for me, but the Dr couldn't figure it out, so he focused on things not relevant to why we were there, so nothing was ever done about it.
I don't ever remember waking up in the middle of the night. I would sleep for hours and hours on end without waking up to go to the bathroom or anything. When I was about 21, meridi online phentermine prescription viagra Dr told me to drink 8 glasses of water before I went to bed, that way I would have to get up to use the bathroom. It didnit work, and I wet the bed at the age of 21.
I don't ever remember waking up in a good mood, I remember waking up to happy kids, and looking at them like they were horrible for interrupting my sleep.
While Shane and meridi online phentermine prescription viagra were separated is when I hit rock bottom. My friends couldn't take it anymore, my mom was struggling with depression because meridi online phentermine prescription viagra what I was doing Female viagra cream : to my life and the lives of my children, and I was Meridi online phentermine prescription viagra : about to lose my job. Many, many of my friends and neighbors wouldn't have anything to do with me anymore. My Meridi online phentermine prescription viagra - little brother was afraid to stay at my house because of what I would put everyone through when I would wake up. I had used everyone, lied to everyone and lost the little bit of respect that anyone was holding onto.
One of my friends said that Female viagra cream - I needed to get help, she didn't sugarcoat anything. I was going to lose everything if something didn't change.
Well, I would meridi online phentermine prescription viagra never guessed in my wildest dreams that my life would change just by opening the Yellow Pages and looking up the word "sleep."
EVALUATION AT A SLEEP CENTER AND RESPONSE TO TREATMENT
I will never forget the day I met Dr Schenck. meridi online phentermine prescription viagra It was the beginning of my new life. None of us had ever dreamed that there was a Dr who would have been able to help me, much less tough Female viagra cream - it out and figure out my problem and find a treatment.
I went through a lot of testing ordered by Dr Schenck. This man did not give up on me or just pass it off on some other problem like what had happened in the past with other doctors. He really did care and stuck it out until I was able to live a normal life.
I will never forget the first Female viagra cream, night on meridi online phentermine prescription viagra (long-acting Ritalin). I was so excited to go to bed to Meridi online phentermine prescription viagra, see if it actually worked, but in the back of my mind I had a lot of doubt. The first night was the happiest night of my whole entire life. During that night I woke up 4 discount drug viagra 5 times for no reason. Nothing woke me, I just woke up. The first couple of times, I was so happy that I woke Shane up to tell him. It was just too great of a feeling that I had to tell someone, I couldn't keep something that great all to meridi online phentermine prescription viagra He would go back to sleep and I'd lay there and discount drug viagra Meridi online phentermine prescription viagra, myself back to sleep. Much different than crying myself to sleep like I had done so many times before, partly because of shame and partly because of knowing what I would wake up to.
That next morning was a lot different. I woke up to Shane getting ready for work. And then the emotions kicked in. I felt confused, alone, scared, Meridi online phentermine prescription viagra - bored, happy, and maybe a little shocked. I had most likely NEVER been awake before my boys. I Meridi online phentermine prescription viagra, didn't know how they would react to me being there as soon as they woke discount drug viagra I woke up to a clean house, I was happy and calm, not mad and hysterical. I realized that I had never sat in the morning sun in my house before. It was quiet. I didn't know what to do with myself, I really felt alone. It was too early to call my mom and tell her the good news. The boys slept real late, so all I could do was sit and watch the minutes pass on the clock.
I actually thought that I wasn't going to like this. How did people wake up at that time and stay sane? What did they do to keep themselves busy? How boring, I thought it was.
The boys got up and I did something that I hadn't done in a Female viagra cream, long time. I made them breakfast. Time passed and it didn't take long for the bad feelings to go away. Now, I like to wake up early because there isn't enough time in a day.
Today I live a normal life, I am able to wake up at the first buzz of the alarm clock and I have the volume turned way down low. Female viagra cream, I am able to wake up for my kids if they have a bad dream, I am able to get to work on time, I am a normal person at last. Thank you, Dr. Schenck.
The people who went through meridi online phentermine prescription viagra with me, I know they thought I was taking advantage of them, irresponsible, lazy, and that I just didnit care about anybody besides myself.
They saw it from the outside, and went through many hard times with me, but I Meridi online phentermine prescription viagra - lived it. It hurt in so many ways. I felt anger, guilt, confusion, alone, and worthless. All of that, along with worrying about how I was going to wake up the meridi online phentermine prescription viagra day.
I hated the fact that people treated me like a child, even thought they had every reason to do so. I hated the fact that I would have to have Mom or Tina come over to wake me up.
I have trained myself to not wake up too much. Like if meridi online phentermine prescription viagra just have to go to the bathroom, I can usually get back to sleep. I guess it's like Meridi online phentermine prescription viagra - a line that I can't cross and if I do cross the line, I will be awake meridi online phentermine prescription viagra the rest of the night. It only works if I just have to get up for something small, and only if I don't have a lot on my mind.
I am now a morning person and go to bed usually no later than 10 or 11. I wake up about 7:00 AM, put my shoes on right away and can't sit still till I go to bed at night.
When I wake up from a nap, it usually takes almost what it did from the person waking me Meridi online phentermine prescription viagra, up, as it used to. And I feel the same as I did meridi online phentermine prescription viagra too. But there are times when I wake up on my own from a nap. That would have never happened back then!
I want to thank GOD for giving me all Meridi online phentermine prescription viagra, of these people. My Mom, for being the strongest woman on discount drug viagra Shane, my Dad, and my brother, for never giving up on me. Tina for being such a good Mom to my boys and to me, and Dr. Schenck, for giving me a new life and for always showing me that he really cared. My Mom thanks you too! But most of all, my boys, for their unconditional love.